Shit My Boss Does

Note: I used to live and work in South Korea as an English teacher. This is a story about my former boss written in 2013.

So my boss Mr. Kim is, for the most part, quite an eccentric man. He's about fifty years old and very sweet-natured, but I can't help but feel like there is something "off" about him. He's the main reason why I both have a job and cannot do my job.

Let me explain:

Because he's my neighbor, he drives me to work everyday. Knowing very well that I have teachers' meetings, papers to grade, and class materials to prep, he is STILL late every day Monday through Friday.

These are some of the reasons why I have been late to work:

  1. He forgot about the schedule change during winter break and picked me up an hour after I was supposed to go in.
  2. Once a week, he gets a car wash after picking me up even if I'm running late.
  3. He sometimes stops to fill up his gas tank. With the engine still running.
  4. He once swore that "this is a short cut" and ended up getting lost despite the fact he has been living the same neighborhood for the past ten years.
  5. I once called him asking where he was when he was late meeting me in the parking lot. He was still asleep.
  6. He made me hold a cutting board and a tea kettle while he tried to scrub a water stain off his trunk.

Some more eccentric facts about my Korean boss:

1. He has a mechanical-horse exercise machine in his apartment. I saw him use this machine on New Year's.

Skip to 2:00 to see what it looks like in motion. Some things cannot be unseen.

2. He once asked me if his perm made him look any younger.
3. He invited me to a funeral because he thought it would be a good cultural experience.
4. I thought he was taking me to go take my passport picture, but took me with him to go pick up his vest from the tailor instead.
5. "Hey look, a cop! It was like God was on my side because I felt like obeying the traffic lights today."
6. He gave me a can of sesame oil and ten cans of spam as a gift.
7. During a Christmas party for work, he was my ride but couldn't take me home. The reason: He got too plastered and wanted to play pool. At 2:45am.
8. The next morning after the said work function, he drove me to work.

Mr. Kim: You look really tired!
Me: I'm a little tired since we were out late. Aren't you tired?
Mr. Kim: No, I slept a full five hours!
Me: What time did you get home?
Mr. Kim: Five in the morning!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my boss Mr. Kim.