I'm An Asshole To Catcallers

Catcalling is a problem that has long plagued women since the beginning of time. I don't like or welcome that type of attention from men. So how do women typically address verbal harassment? I feel like these are the two typical actions:

  1. Ignore it because of safety concerns
  2. Fight back, and risk her safety

I can say that I've done both and and no matter what, the problem is still there. I don't have a good answer for you, but I have a story about my personal experience with catcalling and a bonus story about an asshole at a bar. I'm not advising women to take my approach. I'm simply telling you what happened.

Burn, Baby Burn

I was barhopping downtown when I crossed paths with a group of three guys. Not that this is important, but please note that I was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, and a beanie (for all you naysayers who say that my outfit was inviting harassment). It shouldn't matter what I'm wearing but that's beyond the point.

While I was walking by minding my damn business, one of the guys did a full turn and proceeded to look me up and down while yelling, "DAMN BABY, you so sexy, you so fine!" I usually "let it go" but I thought, fuck it. I'm tired of men thinking it's okay to yell comments at me from the street. So I turned around, walked towards him, and got really close. I pressed myself on his body, softly stroked his collar, and looked him in the eyes with my lips inches from his.

Me: I love when a man talks to me like that.
Annoying Asshole: Oh yeah?
Me: (Seductively) You know what else is really, really sexy?
Annoying Asshole: (Excitedly) What?
Me: (Flatly) If I lit you on fire and burned you alive.

His friends behind him started laughing and saying shit like "Ooo, bro she got you!" Then I gave him a light pat and began to turn around to walk the other way. I guess he didn't like getting emasculated by a woman in front of his friends because he grabbed me by the wrist. I looked down shocked that he actually grabbed me. I tried to shake his hand off my wrist, but he only gripped it harder and jerked me towards him aggressively. He stared right at me with his crazy eyes.

Annoying Asshole: You don't EVER touch me like that, got that?

His friends had to step in and apologize on his behalf as they told him, "Dude, chill out dog," and walked him away from me.

Baby, You Make Me So Wet

I was out with some friends at a bar I'm a regular at, and this guy with sagging earlobes from having huge gauges approached me and said something rude along the lines of, "Hey can I slap those tits together?" (I'm sure that wasn't exactly what he said, but it was really loud at the bar and his remark was still something impolite if I recall correctly). I put my hand up to his face and told him, "Sorry dude, not interested. Bye now," and walked away. It was curt, but hey man, if you're rude to me, I'll be rude right back.

I guess his ego was hurt or something because he approached me maybe thirty minutes later very apparently drunk.

Loose Earlobe Guy: You think you're hot shit?
Me: Nope, just really not interested.
Loose Earlobe Guy: I know you. Girls like you are the worst. You think you're hot shit.
Me: I said fucking no. Can you leave before I finger you in your earholes?

He must have not found my joke very funny because the next thing I remember was vodka or tequila (not sure, but it was hard liquor) burning my eyes. It felt like someone had sprayed a high-pressure hose in my eyes because I was drenched. So I threw an ice cube at him because, you know, he started it. I probably shouldn't have (but it doesn't really matter anymore since it already happened) because it escalated the situation and he threw a second drink at my face.

Dear the dude from the bar last night, I feel really bad that you hate your own life so much that you had to take it out on me and THROW TWO DRINKS AT MY FACE. Oh wait, just kidding. I don't give a flying fuck. #nofucksgiven #stillsmilingoverhere #bye

Dear the dude from the bar last night, I feel really bad that you hate your own life so much that you had to take it out on me and THROW TWO DRINKS AT MY FACE. Oh wait, just kidding. I don't give a flying fuck. #nofucksgiven #stillsmilingoverhere #bye

After cussing me out and calling me every name in the book like "fucking slut," "dumb bitch," and every other unoriginal insult thought of millions of times before him, the security guard who knew me (since I was a regular) started shining a flashlight over at us telling everyone to back up.

The loose earlobe guy was facing me, and the security guard stood between us. Security started asking him questions, so while he was facing away from me, I smiled, waved, and gave loose earlobe guy the finger. He then tried to lunge at me and security had to hold him back.

Security eventually came to me asking me what happened so I wiped my eyes and really sold a show like I was working for an Oscar.

Security: What happened?
Me: (Sniffling) I don't know! He was trying to hit on me, and I said no, so he got mad and threw a drink in my face.
Security: Do you want us to kick this guy out?
Me: Yes.

Eventually, that was enough to get loose earlobe guy kicked out because I don't have a history of causing problems at the bar. Plus he was a punk ass who didn't want to take his L and go.

What have we learned?

I didn't learn anything. I don't have a good answer on how to respond to catcalling, lol.

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