Shit My Boss Does
Note: I used to live and work in South Korea as an English teacher. This is a story about my former boss written in 2013.
So my boss Mr. Kim is, for the most part, quite an eccentric man. He's about fifty years old and very sweet-natured, but I can't help but feel like there is something "off" about him. He's the main reason why I both have a job and cannot do my job.
Let me explain:
Because he's my neighbor, he drives me to work everyday. Knowing very well that I have teachers' meetings, papers to grade, and class materials to prep, he is STILL late every day Monday through Friday.
These are some of the reasons why I have been late to work:
- He forgot about the schedule change during winter break and picked me up an hour after I was supposed to go in.
- Once a week, he gets a car wash after picking me up even if I'm running late.
- He sometimes stops to fill up his gas tank. With the engine still running.
- He once swore that "this is a short cut" and ended up getting lost despite the fact he has been living the same neighborhood for the past ten years.
- I once called him asking where he was when he was late meeting me in the parking lot. He was still asleep.
- He made me hold a cutting board and a tea kettle while he tried to scrub a water stain off his trunk.
Some more eccentric facts about my Korean boss:
1. He has a mechanical-horse exercise machine in his apartment. I saw him use this machine on New Year's.
2. He once asked me if his perm made him look any younger.
3. He invited me to a funeral because he thought it would be a good cultural experience.
4. I thought he was taking me to go take my passport picture, but took me with him to go pick up his vest from the tailor instead.
5. "Hey look, a cop! It was like God was on my side because I felt like obeying the traffic lights today."
6. He gave me a can of sesame oil and ten cans of spam as a gift.
7. During a Christmas party for work, he was my ride but couldn't take me home. The reason: He got too plastered and wanted to play pool. At 2:45am.
8. The next morning after the said work function, he drove me to work.
Mr. Kim: You look really tired!
Me: I'm a little tired since we were out late. Aren't you tired?
Mr. Kim: No, I slept a full five hours!
Me: What time did you get home?
Mr. Kim: Five in the morning!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my boss Mr. Kim.